03: I Overcame My Eye Contact Anxiety (and It Taught Me About Confidence)
You don't need confidence to start. You just need to be willing to try.
When I was healing from severe topical steroid withdrawal (TSW), I went almost two full months without making eye contact with another human because I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
In this episode, I share the story of setting a goal that terrified me—looking a stranger in the eye at the grocery store—and what happened when I failed the first time. This is how confidence actually works: you don't need to have it before you start. You just need to be willing to try. Confidence is something you build from experience, one small step at a time.
If you're healing from chronic illness, struggling with anxiety and shame, or facing fears that feel impossible, this episode is for you.
In this episode, I share:
00:00 - When I couldn't look anyone in the eye for 2 months
00:34 - The shame and isolation of severe TSW
01:48 - Setting a goal that terrified me: looking a stranger in the eye
03:38 - Why staying in pain felt scarier than trying
04:07 - The first attempt: when I couldn't do it
05:01 - What I learned from failing and why I tried again
06:42 - How confidence actually works: willingness over certainty
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Content Warning: This episode discusses mental health struggles. I'm a registered nurse sharing my personal story for educational purposes only — this is not medical advice. If you're struggling, call or text 988 (U.S./Canada) or visit https://findahelpline.com/
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[00:00-00:34]
I went almost 2 full months without making eye contact with another human, because I was so embarrassed and ashamed. Hey, it's Cassie, the Naturalistic Nurse, and welcome back to Healing the Warrior. When I was in the thick of my topical steroid withdrawal journey, I had 0 self-confidence. I was more than just embarrassed, I was deeply ashamed of how I looked.
[00:34-01:08]
My arms and legs were covered in peeling, shedding skin. My hands were covered in wounds that would ooze fluid and were so painful to move. I had deep gashes on my neck that would ooze and bleed, and the skin was peeling and flaking off all over my face. The shame I had was so deep, I couldn't look anyone in the eye. Not my closest friends, my family, my housemates, or even my partner at the time. I went almost 2 full months without making eye contact with another human, because I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
[01:08-01:28]
And as much as I avoided other people and purposely isolated myself in my room, there was still my reflection in the mirror, which yes, I avoided too. I couldn't stomach looking at myself because what I was seeing was so unbelievable to me. At that time, I battled not even feeling human.
[01:28-01:48]
I couldn't look at myself because I truly felt like I was a monster. So I thought, if I was thinking these things about myself, I can't even imagine what other people would think if they saw me, let alone talk to me. To make eye contact with me? There was no way I could put myself in that position. I didn't have the confidence to do it.
[01:48-02:12]
This went on for months, until one day I decided I was going to make a new and crazy goal for myself. I decided I was going to go to the grocery store, get my groceries, and when I was paying, I was going to look the cashier person, a total stranger, in the eye. This was one of my biggest fears at the time. So I made this my goal.
[02:12-02:30]
And at the time, I didn't feel confident at all that I could do it. So the next morning, thinking about this new annoying goal that I had, I asked myself, is this the day? And thankfully, I still had food in the fridge. So I was like, not today.
[02:30-03:07]
But then the next day came. And I had to ask myself again, was this the day? And I was able to push this off for 3 days until I finally ran out of food and I had to go to the grocery store. It was finally the day. So I did my normal morning routine, which took several hours to do all of the wound care for my skin, to clean off my bed and my floor from all the dead skin flakes, and to put on the loosest clothing that I could find. I remember I grabbed my grocery bag and started walking the 2 blocks to Trader Joe's just like I had long before this skin thing even started.
[03:07-03:37]
The sun was shining, the air was crisp, and I remember thinking, I hate this. Because I was so terrified, and all I was thinking was how little confidence I had to do what I set out to do. Which is something that might seem small and insignificant, just to make eye contact with a stranger at the grocery store, but for me at the time was a really big deal. So to keep myself going, I had to remind myself, why did I even want to do this in the first place?
[03:38-04:07]
Why did I make this stupid goal for myself? And it was because as scary as it was to face this big fear that gave me a ton of anxiety and that I didn't even have the confidence that I could do it, it was even scarier thinking of myself staying in the same place that I was. Staying in that pain, in that fear, and in that anxiety. which would have been the case if I didn't have the willingness to make a change and to do something different, as small as that something was.
[04:07-04:40]
So I got to the store, I did my shopping, I was in line to check out, and I was nervous. But all he was saying in my head was, I can do this, I got this, I can do this. It was finally time for me to pay. And this was the moment I had been thinking about for days, to make eye contact with a total stranger, despite all the embarrassment, shame, and fear that I had going on inside me. The cashier person told me my total, I paid with my card, I grabbed my groceries, and I left.
[04:40-05:01]
All with my eyes cast downward. When the moment finally came, I couldn't do it. I walked home feeling so disappointed in myself. I had been thinking about this moment for days, and I really thought that I was going to do it. When I was in line talking myself up, I really thought that I could do it.
[05:01-05:26]
The disappointment was still there over the next few days, so I let myself wallow for a bit, and then I realized, okay, so I couldn't do it that time. It also felt terrible in the moment, but honestly, I'm no worse off now than I was before. And even though I didn't have the confidence that I was going to succeed when I first made this goal, I still got pretty darn close.
[05:26-05:56]
And this is because even though I didn't have confidence, I still was willing to try. So I decided, all right, next time I'm going to go to the grocery store and I'm going to look the cashier person in the eye. Same goal, but kind of different because this time I had built up a little bit more confidence from trying the last time. The following week, I went back to the grocery store feeling pretty much the same way I felt the week before.
[05:56-06:19]
No huge revelation or big moment of healing had happened since then. I was still battling the same physical pain, shame, and embarrassment I had felt. The only difference was that now I had the experience of having done this before and I was willing to try again. So I did my shopping, the cashier person was ringing me up, and I knew this was my chance.
[06:19-06:42]
Again. As I answered his questions of small talk, so timidly, I looked up and made eye contact. I remember that moment so vividly, because I felt so proud of myself, even though I still felt all of those other things. In that moment, I also felt so proud.
[06:42-07:01]
And this is how confidence works. It's not something that you need to have right off the bat. Confidence is something that you build from experience. If you're trying to reach a goal, you don't need to have the confidence or certainty that you're going to be successful right away. You just need to be willing to try.
[07:01-07:22]
Because even if you feel like you failed, you can try again next time with even just a little bit more confidence because of the experience and lessons of what happened before. As long as you're willing to try, even your deepest fears, your heaviest shame, and your biggest anxieties can be overcome. Thanks so much for watching.
[07:22-07:50]
If you liked this episode, make sure to subscribe. I put out new episodes every Tuesday with more tools and stories to help you in your healing. And if you're ready for more right now, I have a free video training on affirmations that actually work. The link is in the description. I'll see you next time.
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